“A man can be rich in two ways, either in the multiplicity of his possessions or the simplicity of his wants.” Author unknown. A local doctor displayed this plaque, on the wall of his office, in the small country town where I work.
I come from a humble background. I have worked since I was a young teenager babysitting then waiting tables and bar tending. A Pell grant and student loans helped me finance college. I didn’t mind working one job and sometimes two jobs. I would graduate and love my job, so I thought hard work cured everything from depression to poverty. I am not proud to say this, but I was self-righteous. I had overcome so much that I thought everyone should suck it up, get over it, and move on with life.
Losing a child or someone close to you, watching your child suffer, is a level of pain that none of us can anticipate. For most, recovery doesn’t happen overnight. Healing can take a while. In addition, life does continue. Sometimes presenting more problems to face, when you were already struggling. One approach I try, when life keeps happening, is to prioritize the problems at hand. A sort of triage to focus on one problem at a time. This helps me keep from feeling overwhelmed.
Making sure that I eat healthy and get enough sleep can help as well. Falling sleep can be tricky if your brain won’t stop thinking of pressing responsibilities. Even if these responsibilities warrant attention, lack of proper sleep, can create irritability, decreased ability to focus on even minor task, and can affect perception. I use a sleep app on my phone (a free app) of white noise. My favorite two settings are ocean waves or light thunder storm sounds. The rhythmic soothing sounds of nature’s melodies helps me relax enough to drift off to sleep. Other times I try progressive relaxation techniques in a systematic progression from feet to head. Conscious relaxation ending with imagery relaxation techniques. I let my thoughts drift to swinging slowly in a hammock, side to side, and match my breathing, inhaling and exhaling with the sway of the hammock. If all else fails I take a hot bath in Epsom salt with peppermint oil added, and then repeat relaxation techniques.
If you find it hard to function with your depression it might be a good time to seek out a therapist and/or psychiatrist to help you through your dark time. Honestly, for me, it was the best gift I ever gave myself. It helped me heal and see the world in a much more tolerable light.
I forgive myself. I am hard on myself at times. I am learning to be kind to myself as I learn how to let go of negative thoughts. I have learned a therapeutic ritual that keeps me in the practice of dismissing unhealthy self-loathing thoughts. I have started writing “I forgive myself” on my forearm as a “tattoo in practice.” This has become a special thing between my daughter Ashley, and I. We are cut from the same cloth. I have never wanted a tattoo until now.
To those of you that have a loved one that battles depression or even suicide, please recognize that these conditions are an illness. Your loved one doesn’t choose this. Telling someone that is suicidal that they should think about how it is going to hurt the one’s left behind sounds good in theory, but that person is so ill that they are unable to see past their own pain. They need unconditional love and professional help…not badgering to make them feel guilty, or glibly telling them to have more faith.
May you never lose hope and may peace find you wherever you go.
Jackie