“Every cloud has a silver lining,” my grandmother would say. Sometimes it’s hard to see past a broken heart when the pain is fresh and our vision of the world is blurred from the sting. I saw a Facebook post from “Drew’s Tunes” that I love.
“Sometimes we can’t choose
The Music life gives us—
But we Damn sure can
Choose how we Dance…”
www.LIVELIFEHAPPY.com
Letting go of those in my life that broke my heart, family included, and allowing myself freedom from guilt associated with this action, gave back the balance I needed to heal. At that moment of clarity, when all those months of therapy were opening a clear vision of reality, I shed the heavy burden of loyalty to those that felt no loyalty to me. I do not wish them ill. I wish them peace and love---away from me. I have found a peace that is empowering. It takes me out of the victim role and puts me in control of my life where I feel secure and safe. It was and is a necessary part of my healing.
There was an event when I was fifteen years old. I wrecked my parent’s truck injuring my younger brother and sister, not critically, just bruises and cuts. I attempted suicide with a bottle of over the counter pain medication. I survived and never told my family. I did not write a suicide note in part because they only would think I would be burning in hell, so what was the point? Just for the record, I don’t believe this way.
Now I have four wonderful children and five grandchildren that I love and I feel love from. I would not hurt them with my absence. Life is hard and they need me as much as I need them. I do not judge anyone that feels the depth of despair that leads one to a desperate escape. I understand. No one talks about it because we all judge each other harshly at times.
I write this because maybe there is one person reading this in need of desperate escape. I want to say keep breathing. Life does change…sometimes it just takes a while. All the pain you are feeling will allow you to empathize with other’s pain. In time, putting one foot in front of the other, you will become stronger. With your new-found strength, you may be able to encourage someone else to keep breathing as you find your purpose in life.
May you never lose hope and may peace find you wherever you go.
Jackie
Stella Rose--photo by Angelo and Stefano Schibeci (her brothers)