I have noticed a change in myself since I began this blog. This journey of sharing my fight with depression. It has been subtle changes. I wake up feeling rested. I have found connections with new friends and they have shared their journey through serious hurdles in their lives. We lift each other up and encourage each other with the gift of our attention--simply listening.
I gave myself an early Mother’s Day gift. I skipped writing last weekend to relax and enjoy watching our youngest daughter, Taylor Murray, play softball for Jones County Community College, in the State Tournament, followed by the Regional Tournament held this week in Ellisville, Mississippi. The Lady Bobcats won both titles, qualifying them to compete in the National Tournament next weekend. It has been a wonderful exciting time.
I had taken off work to attend my daughter’s tournament, but rain had moved the tournament up a day, and so there I was with a day off and nothing pressing to do…a silver lining moment. That morning, I had the house to myself. While enjoying my time of resting and mental rejuvenation, I discovered my love for music again. I have a piano in my great room. I sit down, open the wooden cover and begin playing a song I wrote twenty years ago. As I begin singing, I feel warm tears streaming slowly down my face. Emotional release gently sweeps over me and I go on to play song after song, from memory, of my own collection.
I napped a lot, too. I am preparing to begin the second round of edits for my book project. This is still something that means a lot to me and I want to communicate a message of hope in a way that evokes change. It is going to take a lot more work. I am growing with every step in this process, I will be stronger, and find the purpose in this pain, as I write the story of my life. It heals my soul in the way writing music did in my younger years.
Finding balance for a healthy life can require different approaches –depending on our job demands, family responsibilities, and our changing desires and wants. Sometimes choosing activities that require us to physically exert ourselves is what we need. Other times it is slowing down and resting from a busy life. For me, it is evident in how relaxed my shoulders feel. Where once knots of tension were, now they are very relaxed. If I lie still on the couch for more than five minutes, I will be drifting off to nap land…a very happy place.
May you never lose hope and may you find peace wherever you go.
Jackie
